Friday, October 30, 2009
3:25am
I remember being in love with things, the earth, God's creatures when I was young. Nothing inspired me more than learning about animals, nature, and technology. If something was awesome in some way, I was attracted to it. I miss that sheer wonder and respect for nature and things thoughtfully designed and created. There is only a hint of that left right now, but one by one it seems like my interest in things is fading fast. I don't think this is normal anymore. At first I thought it was more of an Ecclesiastes-inspired letting go of childish things, and perhaps it was to some degree, but it has become something more, something subtle but sinister, sucking the joy out of life.
*note* Switched to fluoxetine 20mg, but by the third week experienced multiple bouts of diarrhea for several days until discontinuing fluoxetine (Sat, Nov 21). I wasn't feeling too hot until then either. I had no appetite and felt even more anxious about going out in public. I felt like there was a heavy weight pressing down on my chest.
After telling the doc that I could not tolerate fluoxetine, he switched me to 15mg Remeron/mirtazapine. He seemed pretty confident that it would make me feel better. Confident enough that instead of scheduling the usual 2 week follow-up, he prescribed 5 weeks! I thought that was odd, and asked if he was on holiday (we wouldn't meet again until the end of December. He said he was. I asked what I should do if there was a problem. He sort of shrugged off my concern and mumbled that I could call in and meet with one of his colleagues.
No comments:
Post a Comment