It should simple enough, right? But for several reasons that I'll touch upon, once we start to get out of the deep pit of depression and anxiety we think we 'd like to reduce our medications or get off them completely.
Here are the reasons why I've gotten off meds that were working or thought about trying to reduce their dosage:
- I don't like the idea of needing to be on medication in order to be "normal".
- Medications are expensive, and it's always better to save money. Right?
- Taking medications is a hassle. Every morning and every evening I have to take a large amount of pills and capsules. Most of them are vitamins, minerals and herb extracts. Three of them are psyche meds.
I'd say those are probably the main reasons why I've gotten off meds or thought about getting off of them. Here's why I think these reasons are not in my best interest:
I don't like the idea of needing to be on medication in order to be "normal".
This is simply pride and vanity. I know that I need to take certain medications right now in order to minimize or eliminate the symptoms of depression, anxiety, insomnia, obsessive worrying, fatigue, and an overall negative world view. But there is a still a part of me that thinks I should be perfect. I shouldn't have to take medications in order to function like most other people can without taking drugs, right? Well...no. This is not congruent with reality. The reality is that, for reasons that are still unclear to science and to mankind in general, some people develop mood disorders or mental illness and cannot function without pharmacological intervention.
The good news is that there are a lot of different medications out there and new medications are being developed as we speak. Without going into the debate about whether or not meds work or whether Big Pharma is only interested in profits, the fact is that there is probably a medication or combination of medications out there that can help a person suffering from mental illness to function better and to regain a sense of purpose for being alive.
I am well aware that there is a small percentage of people that are resistant to most treatments and require some pretty creative combinations of medications in order to control their symptoms. My official diagnosis is probably considered to be treatment-resistant depression because I tried several different medications before I found a combination that turned things around. It took a deep faith that I would find a successful treatment in order for me to hang on for so long after initiating treatment. Nothing is more disheartening than getting your hopes up about a new medication only to have your hopes dashed because you are not improving or your symptoms seem to be getting worse.
Ask someone who has been through this hell if they'd be content living the rest of their lives taking medication if it meant they could get back to the business of living. I think you'd get a pretty unanimous, "hell yes!". We need to remember that humble attitude once we start to feel better.
Medications are expensive, and it's always better to save money. Right?
It's hard to argue against the money argument. But here's why it is another false argument in my opinion: you won't be able to make much money if you are crippled by depression and anxiety. You won't have the clarity of mind to spend your money wisely and you won't have the capacity to enjoy your money in the first place.
The cost of medication has threatened my very survival and nearly broke up my relationship with B. She has been a real saint as my savings slowly disappeared towards the cost of doctor's visits and medications bought at the pharmacy. It was only when my medication regime was stable that I was able to start ordering them (legally) from Canada with my doctor's blessing (well, I would have ordered them from Canada anyway).
Now that I am able to order generic versions of all of my medications, I am paying less than a quarter of the full retail price I was paying at the hospital pharmacy. The total cost comes to about $70 a month. That's a little over $2 a day. That's less than the price of a creamy espresso drink. I think most people could afford to pay that. There are other ways to save money on medication, such as prescription assistance programs and of course insurance, but we'll talk about that another time. The point is that the cost of medication can be reasonable for most of us, and the fear of money is not a reason to avoid a treatment that could breathe new life into the battered and bruised heart of someone suffering from depression.
Taking medications is a hassle; every morning and every evening I have to take a large amount of pills and capsules...
In the end, I only have to take three psychiatric medications a day. However, I choose to take several supplements and herbal extracts because I know they also help in the fight for sanity. I can go a few days without the vitamins and the herbs, but I end up feeling it in the form of lower energy and a flat mood. Again, I am thankful that I have found a working solution to my problems and for the most part I have no trouble obtaining and taking all the pills.
Going back to my response to reason #1, it's only some form of fear that would make this into a real problem. Fear of what others think. Fear of not being perfect. Fear of feeling like I am dependent on something outside myself in order to be happy. But that's bullshit. My medication doesn't make me happy nor do I think it will. They only put me in a position where my daily efforts and attitude may lead to happiness, just like it is for everyone else.
And that's all we really want, isn't it? Instead of spending every waking moment fighting for our sanity and dignity amid a torrent of negative thoughts and the slow suffocation of fatigue and anxiety, we want our effort to go towards building our lives and our relationships with those we love. So Amen! meds, I say. Amen!
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